Everyone’s story is different, yours will be different from mine. Are you sitting on the fence as I did for so long? Mum went to church and occasionally dad too. Seeds dropped into me at Sunday school. It was a part of my life, so it followed that I was confirmed at 13. I managed about 2 weeks feeling really connected to Jesus and trying to live “holy”! Through my teens there were a few lovely and inspirational Christians to look up to; a Church Army Captain and a young curate and his wife. Church Youth group was my social life. Then away at college in Manchester – which was a big step in the 60’s – God & church remained as a safety net in my head.

I made the occasional visit to a service to make the day feel right, and always carried a small St John’s gospel in my duffle coat pocket – unread throughout the 3 years there!

Marriage and a career then children were my life, plus going again to church. A few beautiful Christian people stood out in those years, as in my teens. But then when in my 30’s, when I seemed to have everything, I felt a deep dissatisfaction.

I questioned and found I was sitting on the fence. Either Jesus Christ – giving up his life willingly and lovingly for me – was completely true, or he was just one amongst others in history. I jumped …helped by hearing Billy Graham’s message at a rally on Bristol’s football ground. Next morning I felt so different, and even looked in the mirror expecting to look different! I knew I had been “called by name” like the one dirty ragged sheep lost on a wet hillside. I felt a deep heart change. Life was exciting, full of meaning and purpose. And still is! Church going was changed to being with church – Christ’s kingdom family on earth. Baptism in water, then receiving spiritual baptism, and growing deeper into a relationship with Jesus, strengthened me through the hard times as well as the good. He has given me a deep healing from childhood sexual abuse, and from betrayal. He has brought great blessing out of financial loss and having to sell our large home. Over just a few years I faced the death through cancer of mother, younger brother then step mom.

Though I questioned why my prayers were not answered in the way I wanted, I also know that those times brought the family closely together and were especially full of Jesus’ presence and comfort.

Pamela